Teeny-Tiny Mantras

If you are like most people, you have heard the word “codependency” and have no clue what it means. It’s as nuanced as it is widespread.But if you want an idea, here are a few:

“Those self-defeating, learned behaviors or character defects that result in a diminished capacity to initiate or to participate in loving relationships.” - Ernie Larsen

“An emotional, psychological and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual’s prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules — rules which prevent the open expression of feeling as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.” - Robert Subby

“Whatever problem the other person has [alcoholism, addiction, depression, etc.], codependency involves a habitual system of thinking, feeling, and behaving toward ourselves and others that can cause us pain. Codependent behaviors or habits are self-destructive. We frequently react to people who are destroying themselves; we react by learning to destroy ourselves. These habits can lead us into, or keep us in, destructive relationships, relationships that don’t work. These behaviors can sabotage relationships that may otherwise have worked. These behaviors can prevent us from finding peace and happiness with the most important person in our lives—ourselves. These behaviors belong to the only person each of us can control—the only person we can change—ourselves.” - Melody Beattie

Here are some good books on the subject.

And the song? If you’ve ever cared about someone who appeared to be killing him/herself- quickly or slowly, through addiction, self-abuse/neglect or some other mental illness/self-destructive behavior - you might recognize its fear and its revelations.